Ditch the Reasons

June 26, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off 

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I’m observing that people focus on reasons when they resist change.

It can be a considerable obstacle to my helping people and businesses take a new direction. Reasons run the gamut and include, for example:

  • why they spent instead of saved
  • why they responded late instead of on time
  • why they resisted instead of accepted
  • why they spoke instead of listened
  • why they did nothing instead of acting

The time I spend listening to reasons is mostly wasted because it doesn’t help me help clients with change. This is particularly true post crisis because the reasons are mostly about responding to a world that now no longer exists anyway. Reasons repeated over and over bind people to that world. Reasons aren’t learning, aren’t beliefs and aren’t feelings. They’re obstacles to those and that’s why its important to be vigilant about what triggers reasons.

It makes perfect sense to me that clients made choices and decisions based on what they believed to be true for themselves at the time. What matters most to me is, does that truth serve them now, and if not, what are the beliefs to examine, change and replace?

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Filed under: Belief, Consciousness, In Transition, Metaphysics, Organizations
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Validation

May 15, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off 

I do a lot of things but “change facilitator” is my preferred title. So I try to continually improve how I give feedback and support and to share what I’ve learned with others. One thing for sure, every situation is different.

Here’s a scenario that I’m very familiar with. Someone I know, or who I’m working with, or who I’m close to, has a great idea for a professional or creative practice. They talk about it a lot but most of their knowledge and expertise is locked up in their mind. I’ve seen this go on for months, sometimes years, and even into a decade of postponing developing even the most basic content that will bring the idea to life and provide a structural foundation.

Eventually, the industry and market they want to serve changes and other professionals, creatives or organizations start showing up to serve the same market with similar services. Inevitably, those announcements cause a great deal of frustration and disappointment expressed with some version of:

  • That’s exactly what I’ve been saying for years but nobody listened.
  • People who are known in the industry and who have the connections and credentials have the advantage.
  • They have the research behind them to prove their value; I don’t.

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I’ve heard many variations on the above themes, none of which hold any water because these are competent, intelligent, resourceful individuals. Clearly, there’s limiting beliefs at work. The problem is that, until there’s awareness of them, everything that happens, like in the above example, reinforces those expectations and results in another cycle of frustration and disappointment.

Often, coaches, consultants, friends and family think that the best way to help turn things around is through some version of cranking up the pressure: pushing for plans, goals, action and accountability. In my experience those approaches rarely help unless people are ready for them, and often make matters worse. Some advisers try to mitigate that risk by asking the client’s permission first. That’s not a bad thing but what if the client doesn’t know what he (or she) doesn’t know?

In my experience, even just asking for permission can feel like pressure and/or judgment, leading to even more resistance. Surely we’ve all experienced to some extent being on both sides of this scenario. Unfortunately our “good intentions” can override our memory of what we probably most needed at the time(s) when we were blocked or stuck: acceptance and validation.

Validation (Thesaurus: That which confirms) statements can suddenly snap someone out of their habitual, self-diminishing thinking. It turns things around for them, even for just a moment. It “clicks”. You know it when it happens if you’re 100% open to the person and listening to them from your heart. They don’t have to say much because you feel the change in their energy whether its face-to-face or over the phone.

So if someone you know or counsel, is discouraged about “missing the boat”, its a good opportunity to validate them: Isn’t it wonderful that the evidence is in… proving that this is the perfect place and time for your ideas and business to explode like a gamma ray burst! (In your own words and you have to believe in them too, of course, but you get the idea.)

Clearly, its not simple to determine whether the right, in-the-moment feedback and support is a call to action, acceptance and validation..or something else. Its not possible to get it right all the time. Someone recently described himself as a “motivational listener”. That’s a good place from which to try.

Recommended reading: anything by Florence Scovel-Shinn

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Personal

August 15, 2008 by marywy2 · Comments Off 

RedShift Personal Coaching Program: The Power of You

Four Domains for Individual and Business Change | RedShift Consulting and Coaching, Boston MA - mary wynne-wynter, change facilitator
I coach people who are ready to live up to a greater life experience, integrating inner and outer purpose, in one or more of four domains (health, love, supply, direction) and possibly more specifically in personal and business sub-domains.

I specialize in helping baby boomers figure out how their unique mix of experience, abilities and talents will fill an emerging need for their wisdom, experience and generativity in the conceptual and connected world.

My coaching is different from others. I’m less concerned with static goals, resolutions, forcing action or visualization. Those can trigger an ongoing cycle of frustration, disappointment and stress.

My coaching is concerned with belief, direction and creative power. Most of the effort is identifying beliefs in what is not wanted, and replacing those with beliefs that are aligned with desired results. Fulfillment naturally unfolds. Anxious or stressful feelings that arise are accepted as valuable pointers to self-limiting beliefs (and sometimes trauma) that can to be examined, released and cleared. My models and tools are freely shared on this web site. My coaching programs will facilitate and support the process.

‘the riddle of here’ from Nic Askew on Vimeo.

Unlike many therapeutic or new age approaches, RedShift is a present awareness model that does not involve analysis and re-living of the past or willful visualization of the future. Its a “start where you are” approach that does not require extensive background story, information or initial intake.

“In times of change, learners inherit the Earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.”
- Eric Hoffer

What

  • Individual ongoing life-direction coaching to support and facilitate personal and professional growth and enrichment.
  • Unwanted belief examination and clearing.
  • Trauma release.

Why?

  • You’re caught up in your belief that past circumstances, history, failures or bad luck are good reasons for why you are not where you want to be.
  • You’re seeing a pattern in the issues that come up over and over again in your life; you’re wondering if you could be causing them but feel powerless to change.
  • You know you have a great deal to offer, but frustrated because you don’t get the acknowledgment, recognition or reward.
  • No matter how hard you try to figure it out, you still don’t know what you want to do and you feel like you’ve somehow “missed the boat”.
  • You have great skills, abilities, talent and experience but for you life only gets harder.

Coaching Program Fees: Fixed-Price, Fixed-Time Options

Short Program – 4 Hours – 4 Week Period – $400
Long Program – 10 Hours – 8 Week Period – $800
Order

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