Ditch the Reasons
June 26, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
I’m observing that people focus on reasons when they resist change.
It can be a considerable obstacle to my helping people and businesses take a new direction. Reasons run the gamut and include, for example:
- why they spent instead of saved
- why they responded late instead of on time
- why they resisted instead of accepted
- why they spoke instead of listened
- why they did nothing instead of acting
The time I spend listening to reasons is mostly wasted because it doesn’t help me help clients with change. This is particularly true post crisis because the reasons are mostly about responding to a world that now no longer exists anyway. Reasons repeated over and over bind people to that world. Reasons aren’t learning, aren’t beliefs and aren’t feelings. They’re obstacles to those and that’s why its important to be vigilant about what triggers reasons.
It makes perfect sense to me that clients made choices and decisions based on what they believed to be true for themselves at the time. What matters most to me is, does that truth serve them now, and if not, what are the beliefs to examine, change and replace?
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Friction Free
June 9, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
An underlying technology of the machine tool industry I was involved with was tribology, concerned with friction, lubrication and wear. Round and cylindrical parts last longer when the hardness and smoothness is improved and continually lubricated. The need for tribology grew when tolerance for friction decreased as engines became smaller (example: compact cars) and applications became more critical (example: artificial hip joints).
Without tribology applications, anything from grit to human antibodies will abrade, erode and eventually destroy surface finish.
Its a good metaphor for how to respond to the changes and uncertainty resulting from an increasingly smaller and connected globe, lack of tolerance for bad systems and replacement of worn-out structures.
Worry, doubt, ego, hubris and what Julia Cameron beautifully describes as giving in to “the temptation of despair” will just as quickly erode individual and collective human potential as a speck of dirt will destroy a bearing. Self-aware people and organizations are vigilant about thinking, assumptions and expectations. The result is a mirror-finish belief system or culture that deflects what’s not wanted and functions smoothly, regardless of circumstances.
Relationships, networks and social capital provide the lubricant.
Validation
May 15, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
I do a lot of things but “change facilitator” is my preferred title. So I try to continually improve how I give feedback and support and to share what I’ve learned with others. One thing for sure, every situation is different.
Here’s a scenario that I’m very familiar with. Someone I know, or who I’m working with, or who I’m close to, has a great idea for a professional or creative practice. They talk about it a lot but most of their knowledge and expertise is locked up in their mind. I’ve seen this go on for months, sometimes years, and even into a decade of postponing developing even the most basic content that will bring the idea to life and provide a structural foundation.
Eventually, the industry and market they want to serve changes and other professionals, creatives or organizations start showing up to serve the same market with similar services. Inevitably, those announcements cause a great deal of frustration and disappointment expressed with some version of:
- That’s exactly what I’ve been saying for years but nobody listened.
- People who are known in the industry and who have the connections and credentials have the advantage.
- They have the research behind them to prove their value; I don’t.
I’ve heard many variations on the above themes, none of which hold any water because these are competent, intelligent, resourceful individuals. Clearly, there’s limiting beliefs at work. The problem is that, until there’s awareness of them, everything that happens, like in the above example, reinforces those expectations and results in another cycle of frustration and disappointment.
Often, coaches, consultants, friends and family think that the best way to help turn things around is through some version of cranking up the pressure: pushing for plans, goals, action and accountability. In my experience those approaches rarely help unless people are ready for them, and often make matters worse. Some advisers try to mitigate that risk by asking the client’s permission first. That’s not a bad thing but what if the client doesn’t know what he (or she) doesn’t know?
In my experience, even just asking for permission can feel like pressure and/or judgment, leading to even more resistance. Surely we’ve all experienced to some extent being on both sides of this scenario. Unfortunately our “good intentions” can override our memory of what we probably most needed at the time(s) when we were blocked or stuck: acceptance and validation.
Validation (Thesaurus: That which confirms) statements can suddenly snap someone out of their habitual, self-diminishing thinking. It turns things around for them, even for just a moment. It “clicks”. You know it when it happens if you’re 100% open to the person and listening to them from your heart. They don’t have to say much because you feel the change in their energy whether its face-to-face or over the phone.
So if someone you know or counsel, is discouraged about “missing the boat”, its a good opportunity to validate them: Isn’t it wonderful that the evidence is in… proving that this is the perfect place and time for your ideas and business to explode like a gamma ray burst! (In your own words and you have to believe in them too, of course, but you get the idea.)
Clearly, its not simple to determine whether the right, in-the-moment feedback and support is a call to action, acceptance and validation..or something else. Its not possible to get it right all the time. Someone recently described himself as a “motivational listener”. That’s a good place from which to try.
Recommended reading: anything by Florence Scovel-Shinn
Why You Need a Knowledge Sharing System
May 2, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
At least once a week when I refer to a web site or a blog or an influential person or business, the person I’m talking to responds - “great, what’s their name, company and url?”
And once again, I explain that I could never remember that level of detail, but it doesn’t matter because I know how to instantaneously find what I want and need in my personal and solo psf knowledge sharing system.
The response I get to my explanation always surprises me - no response. Nobody ever asks what my system is or how it works or why I consider it a critical asset. I’m surprised because its so apparent to me that its the core of my business and should be for every professional services practitioner.
And its free!
Stress Test
April 22, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
There’s no longer any doubt about the negative effects of stress on health and quality of life. But what most stress-relief advice fails to address is, its not what’s happening causing stress, its thoughts about what’s happening (or what’s happened) causing stress.
Many techniques, like meditation, exercise, yoga, massage, deep breathing and diet will temporarily relax the body and mind, and stop thought. They’re all great. But long-term stress and trauma relief require a full audit of the hidden toxic assets (beliefs) lingering on the personal balance sheet. Like executives of troubled banks, we can’t release them, write them off so to speak, because we’re still unconsciously identified with an earlier promised or perceived return on whatever deal we made with life to get what we needed. It makes perfect sense then, that we’d resist anything that changes or threatens the deal.
But more than any other time in our lives, for most of us anyway, the shifts we’re experiencing are impervious to any of our attempts to force events to go one way or another. We’re just piling on the stress. And universal law endlessly proves, that force of will gets in the way of letting happen what needs to happen for a greater, albeit different, life experience than the one we bargained for back when the world was a different world.
Unlike the bank execs, there’s no guilt, blame or shame involved in bringing our hidden toxic assets into consciousness, wiping them off our balance sheet because they no longer serve us and moving forward lighter and in alignment with the winds of change.
the zorba
April 15, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
Sometimes you need a big idea, one that might make you feel uncomfortable. If you’re never queasy about your work, you’re too conventional and must take more risk. Hopefully, this post provides inspiration. I got mine from Seth’s post about naming that unique “thing” you invented. Not your business or practice, its the thing you, and only you, do. I knew immediately that my thing is “the zorba” but I had to get past the gulp.
The zorba counter-balances thinking and concepts. The story’s narrator and main character, Basil, represents the barely alive life we succumb to when we’re so absorbed in our thinking that we lose our connection to nature, to our deep human roots, to our sensual experiences and to our robust, creature-based appetites.
“I still said nothing. I knew Zorba was right, I knew it, but I did not dare. My life had got on the wrong track, and my contract with men had become now a mere soliloquy. I had fallen so low that, if I had had to choose between falling in love with a woman and reading a book about love, I should have chosen the book.” Basil/Narrator
The zorba is a joyful re-connection with our creaturehood and its attendant instinctual responses, sensual desires and natural aggression.
The zorba is a wake-up call, jolting us out of knowledge and control.
“Why! Why!” he exclaimed with disdain. “Cant a man do anything without a why? Just like that, for the hell of it?
Zorba
The zorba is alignment and identification with a greater power, non-resistance to what’s happening and amazement of the mysteries of the world.
He interrogates himself with the same amazement when he sees a man, a tree in blossom, a glass of cold water. Zorba sees everything every day as if for the first time. Basil/Narrator
The zorba is the conviction that the only path, the right way, is the one in front of us.
But I believe in Zorba because he’s the only being I have in my power, the only one I know. All the rest are ghots. I see with these eyes, I hear with these ears, I digest with these guts. All the rest are ghosts, I tell you. When I die, everything’ll die. The whole Zorbatic world will go to the bottom! Zorba
The zorba is the instinct and ability to sense change before it happens.
The zorba challenges us on the constraints of linear time, fear of change and taking huge risks.
The head’s a careful little shopkeeper; it never risks all it has, always keeps something in reserve. It never breaks the string. Ah no! It hangs on tight to it, the bastard! Zorba
The zorba is the courage to live up to our innate entrepreneurial, creative and innovative abilities and the refusal to ignore those desires to follow a more conventional path, even as it saps our soul and betrays us.
Awakening in me was the soul of the first men on earth, such as it was before it became totally detached from the universe, when it still felt the truth directly, without the distorting influence of reason. Basil/Narrator
The zorba is the persistence to not give in to failures or be diminished by them.
The zorba is the return to innocence and uncertainty, seeing what seemed intolerable as the greatest gift and point of power.
The zorba laughs, eats, drinks, loves and laughs…even through failure.
Damn it Boss, I like you too much not to say it. You’ve got everything except one thing: madness! A man needs a little madness, or else he never dares cut the rope and be free. Zorba
Solo PSF Business Models - Pt 2
April 8, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
In Pt 1: Evaluating solo professional service business models, I pointed out the importance of building content assets. I included this old slide that is somewhat outdated but I think still highly relevant.
A few readers asked: what do you mean by build system (or process) assets?
Going Solo Presentation - Babson:2005 - Mary Wynne-Wynter
The systems I refer to are unique to the solo professional who may also license or own systems such as financial planning or CAD. You might take your unique systems and process for granted, until or unless you’re expected to deliver equivalent value differently.
The tools you use may be widely available, simple, open source or even free. But how you use, integrate and continually refine and upgrade them to service, support and (hopefully) delight your clients is valuable asset.
For example, I integrate wiki’s, social media tools, tagging and rss feeds as an integral shared learning system between me and my clients. Anyone “could” do it, but I’m the one who does it. Simple does not necessarily mean “easy to copy”.
The solo business model you choose may preclude your building system assets. That may work out great for you as long as you’re aware of, and take the time to evaluate, the pros and cons of the model you choose.
Solo PSF Business Models - Pt 1
April 8, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
I was recently talking to a friend, a marketing professional, who was leaving her job to go out on her own. When I asked her if she wanted ongoing contract work, specific projects or to design her own program(s), she said it really didn’t matter to her.
That conversation reminded me of a workshop I gave at Babson 4 years ago about Solo Professional Services. I dug up what I considered the key slide, and the one that caused the most confusion. The audience didn’t understand the evaluation criteria: “building assets”.
Going Solo Presentation - Babson:2005 - Mary Wynne-Wynter
The presentation is somewhat outdated, but I think that confusion about building assets still exists. A model based on branded content ownership and control is not the recommended model for everyone. But as de-jobbing accelerates and independent professional service providers fill the gap, its more important than ever to fully evaluate and understand the short and long-term implications of the model you choose to provide your services.
Related Post: Solo PSF Business Models - Pt 2
Hide & Seek
March 10, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
My granddaughters loved to play hide and seek with me. I’d hear them crazily running from room to room, laughing and calling my name. Sometimes, when I’d have a great hiding spot, and they couldn’t find me, their footsteps would get a little tentative and their voices more plaintive as they called for me. At that point I’d thump or knock on the floor or wall to let them know I was in the house. I’d hear them get very still and whisper until they could sense the direction of my clues. Then they’d get right back into their joy in the game, knowing they’d find who they were seeking, sometimes hidden right in front of them.
Have you been looking really hard for a long time for a new life direction? Have you been caught up in a cycle of excitement and anxiety? Try stopping, being very still and listening for the “knock knock” of your intuition (muse inner voice, guide, God - your call), trusting in it completely and willing to receive whatever jumps out of the hiding place.
Getting People To Use Sharepoint
March 4, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
When I was putting together the accompanying slides, a Seth Godin post kept popping into mind. This blog post was about email marketing, with and without permission. What stuck with me was his analogy that without permission, a marketer interrupts him at his email, which is where he lives, all day.
A powerful image. 
What must it feel like, I thought, for an employee who will need to change to a system like Sharepoint, that bypasses not just email, but also the personalized explorer and file storage system relied upon for years, or longer. It could feel much worse than being interrupted at home, and more like a home invasion.
That could a good place to start if you’re failing in your efforts to get more people using Sharepoint. Resistant peoples’ responses to change will be different, including: protectiveness, skepticism and abject fear. But those who are resistant will need time, space and your leadership skills and natural influence to get from where they are (home!) to where you want and need them to be. And that is the place of willingness.
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