Stress Test

April 22, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off 

There’s no longer any doubt about the negative effects of stress on health and quality of life. But what most stress-relief advice fails to address is, its not what’s happening causing stress, its thoughts about what’s happening (or what’s happened) causing stress.

Many techniques, like meditation, exercise, yoga, massage, deep breathing and diet will temporarily relax the body and mind, and stop thought. They’re all great. But long-term stress and trauma relief require a full audit of the hidden toxic assets (beliefs) lingering on the personal balance sheet. Like executives of troubled banks, we can’t release them, write them off so to speak, because we’re still unconsciously identified with an earlier promised or perceived return on whatever deal we made with life to get what we needed. It makes perfect sense then, that we’d resist anything that changes or threatens the deal.

But more than any other time in our lives, for most of us anyway, the shifts we’re experiencing are impervious to any of our attempts to force events to go one way or another. We’re just piling on the stress. And universal law endlessly proves, that force of will gets in the way of letting happen what needs to happen for a greater, albeit different, life experience than the one we bargained for back when the world was a different world.

Unlike the bank execs, there’s no guilt, blame or shame involved in bringing our hidden toxic assets into consciousness, wiping them off our balance sheet because they no longer serve us and moving forward lighter and in alignment with the winds of change.

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Filed under: leadership, presence, resilience, self-awareness, shift, stress relief
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Communications Leadership in Challenging Situations

January 15, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Leave a Comment 

slam_door
Times of increased stress and anxiety provide a great staging area for self-aware communication. Although Its increasingly important to nurture relationships, create natural influence and expand social capital, anxiety and stress means more conflicts, misunderstandings and more chances to turn people off.

Its not always the result of a big argument or conflict. Turn-off can be the cumulative result of, subtle, one-word put-downs (”whatever” and “obviously” come to mind), or interrupting and cutting off others.

The effect is to verbally slam the door on people who quickly back off from, or avoid you. The consequent feelings of rejection and insecurity increase fear and accelerate the cycle through which what is expressed constantly contradicts what is desired: that is, connection, acknowledgment, appreciation and understanding.

When mindfulness is neglected in personal and professional conversations and interactions, social equity can quickly slide into a negative balance state. The overdraft, and the unconscious communication habit, can be cured.

There’s a lot of emphasis placed on increasing social IQ in order to better pick up on the subtle cues people exhibit when they negatively respond to you. These are good intuitive skills to learn, but paradoxically, the negative response is often exactly the thing that’s unconsciously desired.

There’s a hidden payoff when words result in the other person feeling threatened, unfairly accused, rejected, discounted, marginalized or drained. The jolt of satisfaction gotten from lashing out or sniping is powerful, and feeds the ego’s need to be right, and superior. But it doesn’t last. What lasts, is Klesha, described in Sanskrit as trap of suffering that can be eradicated only through awareness.

Conscious communication results from practicing a different response in challenging situations. This is done by noticing how the mind races to assumptions and judgments, and how strong negative feelings follow those thoughts. Stopping the mind, and giving the fearful or angry emotion some space, can be done in a matter of seconds. The technique’s effectiveness is increased with slow deep breathing.

Gradually, a shift occurs in which you realize that what you thought you so desperately needed from others, was within your power to give yourself, all along. Interactions and conversations will then initiate from a point of power, not need, and a place of giving, not getting.

Making this shift means fully living up to, and modeling, communication and service leadership.

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Filed under: alignment, change leadership, communcation, expansion, leadership, relationship, self-awareness, social capital, stress relief
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Differentiate Your Professional Service Practice

December 4, 2008 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Leave a Comment 

Photo credit: Wessex Archaeology's photostream (coastal and marine set) on Flickr

Photo credit: Wessex Archaeology's photostream (coastal and marine set) on Flickr

I get asked over and over by some people about what kind of coaching and consulting I do. They seem to have a preconceived notion, or perception of it and then attempt to reconcile my explanation to somehow fit their worldview. Sometimes I can’t figure out if they’re curious and trying and wanting to understand, or just not listening.

But now I’m realizing that people are pulled out of their comfort level when they’re in the depths, and the depths is my space.

I work with people at the level of often hidden assumptions, expectations and beliefs. In organizations, its collections of those - the culture. I use metaphysical metaphors to support the change facilitation process. I shouldn’t be surprised that people want to stick their toe in the water many times before they risk getting a touch of the bends.

I’m blogging this because I’m getting a sense that there’s a growing desire, or movement, or response to series of crises, to go deeper: in life, business and self-awareness. I think its a great sign that people and businesses are showing willingness and readiness to move beyond the surface of their experience, and with a leap in faith, take the plunge into what’s deep and unknown…that with which we identify but which contradicts what we want and where we want to go.

I don’t believe that “going deep” is only within the realm of professionals who focus on “people” issues. Accountants, consultants, health professionals, lawyers, technology professionals, etc, can practice recognizing opportunities to serve clients at a deeper level. It starts with allowing more space for conversation and sharing, being present without an agenda, and being willing to think differently about everything we and our clients think we know.

Uncertainty is the new reality for our clients. We can help them make it their pivot point of power from which they can create and direct their change and growth, if we dare to be different.

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Filed under: Belief, Metaphysics, Natural influence, change leadership, counter-direction, culture, differentiation, disruption, emergence, going solo, intention, leadership, metaphor, resilience, self-awareness, solo psf
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Natural Influence

June 5, 2008 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Leave a Comment 

People expect results from personal, professional and organizational change programs.

Individuals, executives and business owners make the connection that shifting beliefs, relying on presence and not just strategy, and responding to problems from a higher emotional and social IQ aligns with their personal and organizational bigger games.

But I often hear some version of the question “to what end?”. There’s a need to experience some positive result that reinforces the work of change.

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I suggest noticing your natural influence and realizing it as a wonderful, and often unexpected benefit of increased self-awareness.

I call it natural influence as derived from the root meaning “flow into” and contrast it to the more widely used meaning that I label “artificial influence”.

Relating to others with natural influence may feel soft and vulnerable and “too easy” at first, but its an authentic point of power for communications leadership, building trust, gaining support and developing and deepening relationships.

Stories about the positive impact of natural influence that I’ve recently heard, or personally experienced include: