Have Hierarchy Issues?
January 22, 2010 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
I took part in an meditation/meetup last night with the Boston Integral Commons (Ken Wilber group) that included an interesting reading of a dialogue between Andrew Cohen & Ken Wilber: Creative Friction – Community and the Utopian Impulse in a Post-postmodern World.
A lively and challenging discussion followed about how we can use the theories and frameworks in practical ways to continually raise our group’s evolutionary consciousness. For me, the biggest challenge was how to not get caught in resistance to hierarchy, inherent to this evolutionary process theory. I wasn’t concerned, though, and left the meeting in high spirits to go along my entrepreneurial, hierarchy-free way.
That lasted exactly 20 minutes.
I checked my email and saw that I was in the midst of a messy conflict triggered by a communication from me to others in a community very important to me. I suddenly realized that most of my conflicts of the past 2 years were tied to my lack of hierarchy sense. Earlier, one of the Integral Group members piqued my interest when he talked to me about how some people excel in hierarchical spaces, and others (like me) don’t because they’ve not lived enough in that space to develop the requisite competencies. It all made perfect sense to me and I enthusiastically agreed with him totally unaware that I was simultaneously protecting my “hierarchy sucks” belief.
No way was this series of events last night a coincidence; it was a test.
So I want to share this learning. If you do something in integrity that results in conflict and you sense a repeating pattern, you may want to examine your beliefs about hierarchy as unnatural, judgmental or even threatening. If so, that’s the ego in you but also an opportunity to build your vigilance (“V”) discipline and to be more mindful of its practical application to inter-personal conflict and most importantly, to internal contradiction blocking the evolution of your own consciousness.
The instant you believe in the evolution of consciousness, you have to accept hierarchy at the level of the self, at the level of the soul, and that backs narcissism right into a corner. – Andrew Cohen
By mid-morning, my conflict resolved. There was no effort or push-back or sacrifice or guilt or doing much of anything at all. In fact, it was almost as it it never happened – but better.
Who Is Your Vantage Point?
December 28, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
The question probably sounds a bit odd to you, like it should be “what”, not “who”.
But the question phrased as is gets to the heart of living up to popular and famous mantras and quotes for change, including:
You must be the change you want to see in the world. – Gandhi
Typical and well-meaning things we do to this end include revising what we do and say in response to change, setting new visions and goals, breaking old habits, trying new things, moving to different places, making resolutions, ending or beginning relationships or businesses, changing appearances, working harder and faster, etc.
Those are all well and good but often lead to frustration and failure when we place all our bets on some combination of our will, skills and knowledge with timing, luck and conditions. Certain people, serial entrepreneurs for example, claim they’re energized by the highs and lows. Others may feel just the opposite, de-magnetized and dejected. But in both extremes, as well as those in-between, the frustration/failure cycle takes its toll in some form of suffering.
Its so ingrained in us, that this is the way it has to be, that over time we’ve become completely identified with the suffering cycle we choose, seeing ourselves in a dog-eat-dog competitive race to survive in a cold, hard, mean world. And the world, which we create moment to moment, has no choice but to give us exactly that experience. Over and over and over again.
I’m always looking for ways to work with people to help them shift out of this worldview concerning desired change in any of the 4 major experience platforms: health, love, supply and (life and business) direction.
Dustin DiPerna, who recently led an Integral Meetup that I attended, gave an excellent, although highly theoretical talk about vantage points of awareness. I’m now integrating a synthesized and more practical version of his theory with the self-awareness cornerstone of my professional services practice.
My purpose is to galvanize my change model to help clients shift their vantage point from:
I am the one who “can or can’t do” things to change the world.
to the vantage point:
I am the one who “is present and poised” in a world of change.
As we grow and develop we may pay lip services to “let it happen” while our actions prove that we still mistakenly believe we can “make it happen”. This tends to happen when the vantage point is “what” and not “who”. In other words its just another concept or strategy used in attempt to hurry things along so we can get what we want or get rid of what we don’t want. But the world is not fooled and we eventually get the message when our cleverness backfires on us that we’re going about change the wrong way.
You can practice this right away with a problem or challenge that’s got you feeling stuck. Try looking at it from both vantage points: from the one who resists things as they are and from the one who accepts things as they are. The second one is your point of power and natural influence.
Photo credit:
Elbert Kennard Gallery
Title: Vantage Point
Photographer: kennarde
The Golden Tomb
November 11, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
“And you old men love building golden tombs and sealing the rest of us in with you.” — Don Draper
This was a great line from the recent Mad Men season finale. For me, the golden tomb is a metaphor for denial of, and resistance to, the creative power of belief.
That resistance shows up in ourselves as the voice of our ego whose job is to convince us that change is the enemy and that survival and protection is paramount. It shows up in others and in institutions where the job of the collective ego is to strengthen and enforce the status quo.
If we’re not vigilant, we can give ourselves over to runaway negative thoughts (the “old men”) about people, experiences and things that we don’t want or don’t like. The result, of course, is to identify with and bind ourselves to our fears and problems, to add to our stress and suffering and to seal ourselves in the tomb of our unconscious intention.
The way out, for individuals and organizations, is more of a paradox than an effort. The door to the golden tomb immediately flies open with the awareness that we close ourselves off to, in exactly the same way we open ourselves up to, our creative power, greater intelligence, friendly guidance and infinite probabilities for positive change, growth and development.
Embodiment – Its Directive
November 7, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
Embodiment: the “E” in DRIVE
One of the 5 elements of the RedShift DRIVE Self-Awareness and Change Leadership Model, and key to shifting identity in the emotional/neurobiological dimension, is Embodiment.
Huge change shifts can create the perfect storm of heightened unwanted feelings combined with an increasingly perceived need to refute emotions. But to put on a false front is to live in conflict with oneself, blocking the motion of being and diminishing creativity, natural influence and personal power. The result is unhappiness, frustration and resistance that spreads when what is denied and can no longer be contained, is projected onto others. In extreme cases, it escalates to a toxic environment, self-harm, abuse and violence.
Feelings freely expressed, on the other hand, are valuable pointers to what people believe, and how they perceive themselves, in relation to change in their personal, professional and organizational lives. Awareness of those beliefs means they can be examined and replaced if they’re not aligned with what’s desired or with a new direction. Its a mistake to create an environment in which change must take place in mind only. That’s because identity, as well as the moment-to-moment choice to protect or grow, is embodied at the cellular level. Awareness includes body awareness. Expression comes through the body as well as the brain. Organizations can unlock institutional culture (collective beliefs) as well as institutional knowledge.
Social tools, computing and networks support an environment in which lasting, multi-dimensional change can occur; in which creative power is unlocked through participation, inclusiveness, authenticity, and transparency and in which leaders will continually sense and re-align the levers of growth and protection.
Intention – It’s Creative
October 24, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
Intention: the “I” in DRIVE
One of the 5 elements of the RedShift DRIVE Self-Awareness and Change Leadership Model, and key to shifting identity in the metaphysical dimension, is Intention.
“Be the change you want” is an increasingly popular personal development and leadership intention, in this context defined as where we direct our attention or what we identify with. Its often coupled with “we can change the world” and both relate to thought and action. Consultants often call it some version of “to drive change”.
This approach presumes outward intention, and how to respond in new and sometimes more conscious ways to things that are happening to us and our world. Outward intention is attention directed at form and matter, a tiny percentage of the totality of existence to which we ascribe tremendous dominion and then against which we must endlessly struggle in attempt to control.
The resulting suffering we see all around us is evidence that we also need to go within. To allow ourselves and lead others to shift attention inward, on the formless and invisible, is to relinquish control and to take the hands off the wheel. This creates space for new conditions in which change can take place and for receiving the greater intelligence and guidance that’s always available but rarely has the right of way.
Life is change and evolution. To draw a boundary between us and evolution, accepting only what we think is good and rejecting what we think is bad pits us against life and change. But the proof is getting harder to deny – who knows what’s good or bad?
To paraphrase Eckhart Tolle, life is the driver and you (we) are the DRIVE. Time, distance and the conditions along the way matter less when we let go of the ways and means and will to get to where we want to be. Its not as hard as it sounds if you just live and lead as if you’re already there.
From Anticipation to Poise
October 1, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
Its encouraging to read about emerging change leadership models where the emphasis is shifted from reaction to anticipation. But I think poised for change is a better approach than anticipation of change, and my daily rowing provides a great metaphor for why.
The photo shows the rowers at what is typically called the catch, when the oars go into the water at the right time and place, and in the right way, relative to many variables, all of which are continually changing. Doing it right used to mean anticipating the rowing catch. Our coach Gordon’s approach is more current and cutting edge. Gordon doesn’t call it the catch, which implies “something to do”, but calls it the entry, for which you need only to be poised.
That poise requires stability, stillness, relaxation and deep breathing in addition to the obvious physical strength, conditioning, technique and training required to excel at rowing. Anticipation is contraindicated because it translates to “make it happen” and results in interference with the natural laws of motion and force involved in the rowing stroke. The more you anticipate, the less efficiently you move the boat. Poise, on the other hand, is a “let it happen” approach, through which the rower naturally and positively influences boat speed.
Gordon coaches us to be still and quiet and let the riggers glide past us. Practicing this “non-resistance” rowing technique, I often think of meta physician Florence Scovel Shinn’s truth statement: “Man must live suspended in the moment.”
Anyone in a change leadership position, from the solo service provider to the CEO of large organization will more efficiently direct business response to change by shifting from an anticipatory to a poised state. But it doesn’t work if its just a role, no matter how seriously its played. Poise, and its underlying qualities and requirements need to be embodied in order to create natural influence as a change leader.
Recently, I mentioned to Gordon that my improved confidence comes from consistency through hundreds of miles of practice. And that poise and consistency has made me more competitive, not less. The only thing that’s lessened is the stress that previously accompanied my competitive rowing and racing.
Are you creating stress and resistance in yourself and others to gain or maintain competitive advantage? Suffering is always the best indicator of the need for a shift from “make it happen” to “let it happen”.
I Coulda Been An Intender
September 11, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
The prevailing sentiment in response to massive change shifts we’re experiencing reminds me of the great scene from On The Waterfront.
The main character, Terry Mallow, played by Marlon Brando, is a dockworker mixed up in waterfront crime. He’s also a washed up fighter who, on his brother Charley’s instructions, threw a fight he could’ve won, to rig the odds for the mob/union boss. Later, Terry considers risking his life to testify against the mob, and his brother Charley tries to bribe and then threaten him about that choice. The famous scene plays out when Terry reminds his brother, that if he’d looked out for him and not pushed him to fix the fight “I coulda been a contender” and not just a bum with a one-way ticket to Palookaville.
What we get now, in similarly challenging times, is pressure to contend, that is, to struggle, strive and compete for and against people, things and situations. For the contender, perceived failure or loss leads to regret, guilt, despair and rage. The media and those who give advice for a living, love it. We’re bombarded with information that suggest that to survive we must contend.
But its a failure response to change.
Giving oneself over to contending is a form of hubris that leads to more suffering when we delude ourselves that we can change things through our force of will or stop change through the force of our resistance. Change is life. When we refuse to contend we align with life, with the infinite outcome probabilities available in every moment and with a guiding force that Einstein described as a friendly universe that’s on our side.
We’re witnessing the pressure to contend in the public and political battle over health care reform. The issues got obfuscated by the judgments about President Obama’s bi-partisan response to the opposition. He was increasingly called weak and ineffective, by even his most ardent supporters. Yet he refused to contend and instead consistently intended unity. Wherever you stand on the issues, there’s no mistaking the power of a leader who speaks from his or her personal truth and integrity. That power came through in the president’s recent health care reform address.
Contend implies against; intend implies toward. Its not to say that to contend is a bad thing, but from a Buddhist perspective to not contend means less suffering.
Yet we can learn through suffering as the Marlon Brando character learned in the story. We always have access to our voice of truth, exemplified in the movie by Father Barry, played by Karl Malden. Despite Terry’s furious screaming “its none of your business”, the priest convinces Terry that he can avenge his brother’s murder through the truth in a courthouse, not by “firing lead into another man’s flesh”. In other words, don’t give them what they want. Don’t contend.
For too long now, we’ve been telling our true self and inner voice: its none of your business. But we had it backwards and we’re now beginning to see more clearly that its never been our business. I think Emerson was speaking of our hubris, and that we think we know more than Nature and she says to us, “So hot? my little Sir.”
More than ever, it takes vigilance, diligence and courage to refuse the temptation to contend. Going against the status quo can mean rejection and even retribution. But when they called Terry a rat, he responded that he’d been ratting on himself for years. When we stop doing that, we may find that Palookaville is not as bad as anticipated and a gateway to what we want, the equivalent, or something even better.
Acceptance
August 12, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
Recently, I overheard from another room, two 6 yr. old girls arguing. 
One of their mom’s was trying, with little success, to help them sort it out. From the kitchen I could not only hear, but actually feel the escalation as they got louder and increasingly upset and emotional trying to defend themselves, blame each other and end up as “me victorious”. It reminded me of waves bouncing off walls, intensifying the energy and disruption; and then I was asked to help.
Without thinking I told the first little girl “you are absolutely right because you believe you are right”. Then I told the second little girl “you are absolutely right because you believe you are right”. The result was a startled quiet followed by adorable “missing front teeth” grins. I waited for the expected “but she…”, “but I…” howls and wails to start up again but they’d already forgotten what they were upset about and were on to something new.
If only it were that easy with adults.
Unfortunately our egos have had a lot more time to figure out how to trick us into getting hooked on our thinking, expectations and judgments about people, things and experiences we don’t like and disagree with, all of which are escalating in this period of massive change. When we can’t let go we push back, but it just makes the negative thought and energy waves bigger and stronger.
I learned something profound from those little girls. Acceptance means nobody gets to be wrong, and when we refuse to harden our positions, the waves diffuse and we’re suddenly still and poised to accept that things are as they are and anything can happen. Even a visit from the tooth fairy.
Ditch the Reasons
June 26, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
I’m observing that people focus on reasons when they resist change.
It can be a considerable obstacle to my helping people and businesses take a new direction. Reasons run the gamut and include, for example:
- why they spent instead of saved
- why they responded late instead of on time
- why they resisted instead of accepted
- why they spoke instead of listened
- why they did nothing instead of acting
The time I spend listening to reasons is mostly wasted because it doesn’t help me help clients with change. This is particularly true post crisis because the reasons are mostly about responding to a world that now no longer exists anyway. Reasons repeated over and over bind people to that world. Reasons aren’t learning, aren’t beliefs and aren’t feelings. They’re obstacles to those and that’s why its important to be vigilant about what triggers reasons.
It makes perfect sense to me that clients made choices and decisions based on what they believed to be true for themselves at the time. What matters most to me is, does that truth serve them now, and if not, what are the beliefs to examine, change and replace?
Space
May 20, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter · Comments Off
We’re made up of more space (dark energy and dark matter) than visible form and matter, but we spend most of our lives totally identified with the latter. Its one thing to think about the concept of spaciousness but yet another to experience it, for even a short period of time. Anyway, why would we want to and how do we do that?
We want to because we now know that the physical and conceptual structures that we’re identified with are unstable and will be replaced with new ones that are yet to be created. We want to be part of that. But fear and worry about that instability, and how it will affect our lives and businesses, lead to more attachment and rigidity that then shows up in how we respond to change: protection, judgment, guilt, resentment, complaining, blame, etc.
So instead of a desired growth direction we get stuck on the survival path. Life and business experience becomes relentless reactivity to an endless series of crises and lack . We know that the way towards new and better experience is through creativity and innovation, but forget that creativity comes through us. Its not something we can reach out and attain. Rather, we have to make space for it and knock down the walls that block it.
Making space for creativity in challenging times requires vigilance over individual and collective thought and action. Space is created by ceasing thinking and constant doing, and by softening the physical and conceptual boundaries constructed in attempt to keep out everything not wanted, like vulnerability. It can be as simple as taking deep breaths and setting time aside for short periods of stillness. It can also be more challenging and require a lot of courage, putting oneself on the line without a safety net for one’s convictions, so to speak.
The challenges we’re dealing with now are opportunities for dropping resistance and defenses to receive the wave of creative energy that is always available. It comes through us when we let it. It takes faith. The biblical metaphor for our self-constructed creativity barrier is the Wall of Jericho. When we blast ours down, we’re then freed to enter our Promise Land. That’s the metaphor for the place and point of power from where we can expand our natural influence, and contribute the best of who we are to what is yet to be created.
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The RedShift Web Site Pages and the corresponding Blog: Creating Natural Influence, do not enable comments. I'm more comfortable getting feedback on social sites than here, where the work is so close to who I am, where I've been and where I'm going. If you have a comment or question, or would like to suggest a topic for an upcoming blog article, please contact me. Thank you.
