It used to be called “getting over” but you don’t hear that expression anymore. You expect it in the public so that’s not getting over. You join the private to get away from it and resent it when it shows up, which it does, more than ever. Some now call it hustle.

• The moderator continually requests that participants keep their comments within the topic, framework and agenda but the hand keeps going up and the interruption is “just this once”.
• The group’s charter includes never using the group for business solicitation or self-promotion and a new member tries to sneak one in that’s barely camouflaged and the interruption is “just this once”.
• The professional service provider provides free, search-able access to ideas, solutions and content but the uncommitted client interrupts to ask for and discuss what’s already easily available “just this once”.

This self-management technique is the best way to discern if you’re the perp or the victim of getting over. Ask yourself “what would this look like if everyone chose to do this just this once?” The key word is choose. Don’t choose or settle for the wrong hustle, unless you’re Superfly.

When my granddaughters Sam and Em were little they loved to play “Mrs Meanie” with me. I’d pretend to be the mean school teacher who would not allow freedom, fun, laughter or any frivolity. Of course this would send the girls into paroxysms of giggle fits at which point I’d pretend to go into conniptions and chase them all over the place with threats of dire punishments as they’d yell “ha ha Mrs Meanie!”. It was pure silliness that when on literally for years. The minute I’d walk into the house they’d beg “Nano, do Mrs Meanie pleeeeeeze!”

I think of that character often lately with respect to professional service providers and their client relationships. This accelerated change environment that includes rapid technology and business model innovation, increasingly compressed project time frames and downward pressure on fee structures, beautifully lends itself to the emergence of the consultant version of Mrs. Meanie. The challenge is making it as desirable for clients as it was for the kids.

Clients sometimes need it for the following reason: they don’t know what they don’t know. If that’s the case there’s no straight and clear path from their problem to your solution. Its more like a jungle of unconscious and hidden assumptions and expectations.

Some solo psf’s deal with the jungle by ignoring and denying it. Why? Because they want the work. Others deal with it by trying to manage it with lengthy contracts and processes. There’s even a large body of content addressing “firing the client”. These methods are about setting boundaries and not surprisingly, have a high likelihood of failure because every boundary is a battle line to cross. In the old ways of work boundary protection was built into fees. Forget about that in the new ways of work.

So how can you decrease the likelihood of project breakdown and failure? Through the discipline of rigor (the “R” in DRIVE).

Simply stated, through every step of the project, in real time, you honestly express and inquire about the contradictions and internal conflicts you’re hearing, observing and sensing. These aren’t judgments or things you fix, unless of course you ask permission and the client is willing. They are, however, as much of the truth and rationale for the project as are the desire and need for the project.

Clearly, facilitative skills and your own self-awareness will support your rigor discipline. Clients can react very negatively to your shining a light on what they don’t know they don’t know. Remember that argument, hubris and defensiveness from you will only strengthen the boundary lines of protection. Conversely, your consistency, non-judgment and acceptance create a space for both your clients’ and your own growth and development as well as create the cornerstone of your solo professional “Meanie Manifesto”.

One of the challenges for the brain-storming session facilitator is finding the balance between giving everyone an opportunity to participate while directing the flow and the process.

People with problems, who feel passionate about their unmet needs, may not be ready to articulate an idea or solution but have a strong desire to be heard. So they tell their story in detail and understandably, resent being interrupted. However, most detail and back-story falls outside the session’s purpose and can result in resentment from the group if too much time gets used up in the telling.

Facilitators can handle this typical scenario by making a brief, simple and friendly upfront agreement with the group, requesting that people:

• present an idea or solution to a problem, or…
• present a problem and ask the group for solutions or ideas

Asking for a show of hands as agreement to the process works great. At the closing, thanking the group for their behavioral change provides acknowledgment and reinforcement.

Its unlikely that everyone will change. Some people may fall back into their habit of providing more data and detail than is needed or desired. In those cases, its probably better for the overall dynamic to let it go because anything more than a gentle and friendly reminder could have a negative impact on the individual and on the energy in the room.

Notice your own feelings. If there’s frustration in you, remind yourself that perfectionism and over-reliance on process are creativity and spontaneity killers. You can improvise and make adjustments to the content and the schedule on the fly. Those are small trade-offs for creating an atmosphere of inclusiveness, trust and respect.

I read Creating You & Company in 1999 when I was planning to leave my last real job and start my professional service firm as a solopreneur.

It was a great influence because it validated my sense that “having a job” was a worn out concept, signally that huge, disruptive shifts would take place in the world of work. It also supported my business model idea which was to offer services as products, which I call programs.

Recently, its occurred to me that professional service “products” need merchandising just like any other product. I know quite a bit about merchandising because I work part-time doing garden center merchandising as the liaison between the grower and the big-box stores.

Three fundamental merchandising concepts in garden center merchandising can be effectively applied to professional services:

Display – One of the first things I do when I take on a new store is to scan what product is out front in the main aisles and benches, and to look at what product is in the lot and in the back of the carts. Typically, there’s old stale product where people are shopping and fresh new product languishing where nobody can see it. Are you displaying your best solutions, ideas and content where your clients are are looking and shopping?

Consolidation – In the garden centers, I’m continually maximizing shelf space while at the same time grouping products for maximum appeal. The more I do it, the greater the capacity I develop for quickly scoping out very large areas, visualizing the end result, and figuring out the most efficient way to get that result. What are your opportunities to continually consolidate and group together your solutions, ideas and content so they “pop” when your clients are looking and shopping?

Culling – I’m surprised how difficult it is for people to get rid of product that’s no good. I think its mainly because they can’t make culling decisions by putting themselves in the customers’ shoes and asking themselves: “will I buy this?” Its a no excuses point of view. Prolific author Stephen King is a great culler and strongly advises that aspiring writers pay strict attention to culling:

..kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings. – Stephen King

Are you hanging on to boring or outdated solutions, ideas and content that are spoiling the overall appeal, and are holding back the growth and momentum of your professional service practice?

If these fundamental merchandising concepts make sense, and the questions hold some truth for you, this may be a good time to put aside the latest and greatest tools and technologies and merchandise your professional services. Inspiration is always available at your local garden center. If you need a good system, I love WordPress.

The Professor Gates – Cambridge Police incident spotlights our collective unconsciousness about the extent to which the ego governs our responses and reactions to things and events that we don’t want or don’t like.

If we’re aware of our ego, and its attachment to opinions, roles, race, class, authority, ownership etc., it loses its power. That doesn’t mean we won’t bump up against things and situations that upset, frustrate, anger and disappoint. But it does mean that we’ll recognize an ego trigger and refuse to blindly and fully give ourselves over to it.

Its not that we shouldn’t stand up, and even fight for, what we believe in. But when aware of the ego’s involvement, we do so with discernment and with some sense of responsibility for creating the very experience that we don’t like.

The ego hates awareness, intelligence, discernment and co-creative responsibility. It needs to be stupid in order to exist and survive. Like radar, it seeks out the stupid ego in other people which is really the one stupid ego that lives through and in every one of us.

When President Obama remarked about the stupidity of the escalation of the incident, I translate that to the stupidity of the egos feeding off each other and subsequently the collective ego feeding off the resulting rage and polarization that spread like wildfire.

Whether you agree or disagree with their respective positions, if you put yourself in the shoes of the egos of the parties in the incident, their reactions make perfect sense and you can understand how they felt threatened in that situation to the point of annihilation.

Unfortunately, our egos will often trick us into thinking that in doing this kind of exchanging ourselves for the other, that we’re making excuses for what is wrong or bad and what should be eliminated. So we choose instead to harden our opinions and build stronger walls around them, unable to see that we’re creating a hard life experience, i.e. suffering.

When you look at it this way, you may realize that the stupid ego is extorting a very high price and its a price you’re no longer willing to pay.

If you feel defeated because you can’t get or be what you want, refuse to have or be anything less.

If you’re stressed out and angry over loss or change, refuse to make others and the space around you stressed out and angry.

If you’re in a crisis and fearful, refuse to merge with it.

If you can’t handle it anymore, refuse to carry the burden and release it to someone, or something else.

If you’re burning with resentment, refuse to judge anyone or anything.

If you’re feeling snarky and cruel about someone, refuse to repeat what you’re thinking.

If you’re in the grip of addiction or compulsion, refuse to be unkind to yourself.

If you’re feeling isolated and unwanted, smile and greet everyone warmly.

The more you practice the art of refusal, the more you accept the responsibility for creating both the good and bad in your life in exactly the same way. At that point, what you’ll feel most is grateful.

During times of extreme uncertainty and massive shifts, its human nature to have thoughts of panic and self-doubt. These become self-fulfilling only if you believe in them and identify with them.

Solo professionals are often alone and vulnerable to getting lost in thoughts triggered by events that are exploding in frequency. A deal falls through, there’s not enough money, inquiries slow down to a trickle or less, investors pull back, unexpected family needs show up, losses accumulate. And if that’s not enough, millions of other professionals are telling (and selling) other solo’s what they’re doing wrong and what they should be doing.

When you don’t separate who you are from the onslaught of triggered thoughts, you’re at higher risk of getting derailed. A precursor is a sense of urgency to do or chase something different, and its accompanied by a lot of anxiety, tension and doubt – paradoxically, the exact things you’re trying to get away from.

Its not possible to stop all negative thinking, unless you live perhaps in a monastery. But you can refuse to identify with the thoughts and the debilitating emotions that accompany them. You do that by observing them and feeling them for what are: thoughts, not you. And then you refuse to respond to them by unconsciously going off in an unwanted direction and getting derailed.

Resolve to replace urgency and scrambling with intensity. Urgency scatters energy and attention and inhibits poise and readiness to receive. Intensity is focused on intuitively choosing to do one thing at a time with the highest quality.

Nobody can tell you what that “thing to do” is. It could be, for example, producing a creative work, taking a walk, washing the car, helping a client, eating an apple, working on finances, being with other people, looking for a job, playing with kids, doing errands, taking a nap.

What’s important is that you merge with what you do and not with your thoughts about it which make you doubt your choice. Florence Scovel Shin tells us “Let God juggle your affairs”. You don’t need a religious orientation to accept truth in that statement and to feel a sense of relief.

We’re part of something that needs to happen. Although its huge, and beyond our knowledge, control and understanding, with awareness and intensity, we are the conductor and on the right track.

Photo credit:Pewari Naan Photostream

We’re in a financial crisis and possibly an economic downturn which means there’s even more advice being given, targeting independent professionals, than in more stable times. Most of it’s marketing related: being seen and heard, getting blog traffic and comments, building links, viral methods, etc. Its easy to get swept up in the speed, urgency and sheer volume of what you “should” do to succeed .

I suggest checking in with yourself and going the other way: slow down, be still and narrow your focus.

Early in 2008 I was deeply moved reading Suzanne Pleshette’s obituary and her philosophy about the entertainment industry and I blogged about it back then. I believe her philosophy is even more significant now:

“I’m an actress, and that’s why I’m still here,” she said in a 1999 interview. “Anybody who has the illusion that you can have a career as long as I have and be a star is kidding themselves.”

I believe that much of the great advice out there is for those who aim for stardom and not for actors. Solo psf’s are actors (although some are both). Know the business you’re in. You see, clients don’t care about stars. Clients are the most selfish species on the planet and they only care about themselves and what you’ll do for them. And rightfully so – its what they pay for and trust in! If you identify with the business of being a star, clients will quickly pick up on the vibe that its about you first, not them.

I’m not saying to ignore or discount great advice and information but rather that you filter it through a solo professional firm’s lens and follow and adopt it from a “client first” perspective. Remind yourself daily about the business that you’re in and commit to it for the long term.

I want to illustrate with a more specific example, particularly for solo professional creative practitioners, of when the old default response can kick in. Its one thing to theoretically talk about raising emotional intelligence and empathy. Its quite another when you’re getting attacked and you never saw it coming. It happens; you turn in something good, maybe even your best work, but your boss, or client or professor or whoever unexpectedly reacts very negatively and lashes out at you.

When that happens, in a real-world professional situation, can you prevent yourself from getting “hooked” and responding by running away, judging and criticizing, lashing back, getting your allies involved, going for the win, and re-living (and embellishing) the memory over and over in your thoughts?

Yes, you can respond differently, with practice. And to practice means staying present with your feelings and using whatever techniques you’ve learned that will prevent you from getting hooked. And if you totally, or partially fail, you resolve to keep practicing and being alert and vigilant to your default and automatic egoic responses to people and situations that backfire on you. Because without them, there’s no test, no real-world practice, no awakening to your own blind spots and consequently less self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

Don’t confuse your resolve with thinking you’re becoming a pushover because great strength, power and natural influence accumulate and suffering diminishes when you practice self-awareness and self-management in unpleasant situations and with unpleasant people. Like failure, they’re your best teachers, so be grateful for them even though you dislike them. Its good practice.

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creative process, empathy, natural influence, self-awareness, solo professional service firm

For quite some time I’ve been diligent about always having index cards and 4 x 6 yellow pads on hand to take notes on new business ideas, my self-awareness and personal development, my insights, ideas, observances, and experiences, etc. Its all in long-hand writing; digital doesn’t cut it for me when I’m writing from the heart. I’ve found writing these pages an extremely valuable practice supporting my creativity and growth.

However, I never labeled, titled or dated these pages, and when I filled a notebook I just stuck it in a basket where they accumulated. I sometimes reviewed what I wrote but usually found it to be too much trouble to find what I was looking for. I hate paper, files and clutter and love simplicity and minimalism. So I felt pretty good about the fact that I was actually saving the notebooks instead of getting rid of them.

But then I read a wonderful book, “The Creative Habit, Learn It and Use It For Life”, by Twyla Tharp. She wrote about the importance not only of taking notes, but of organizing, categorizing and saving them. Her system is to start “a box” for each choreographic project that provides a comprehensive archive of ideas, video, photos, music, inspiration, learning, design – and all the myriad elements that comprise her dance creations. Its a system she finds indispensable to her craft and she highly recommends it to anyone committed to creativity.

I consistently do creativity exercises, for myself, and with my clients. But when it comes to process and practical habits development, I tend to gloss over it. It always felt too much like office work and not enough like being creative.

But Ms Tharpe writes so compellingly and persuasively about the critical importance of “the box” to creative development that I decided to follow my strong impulse to try it out. Before I began, I made a few decisions about how I should approach “my box” so that it would be enjoyable, applicable to my specific needs and not a dreary task. To that end:

• It would be more generalized rather than project specific.
• It had to be simple, made from stuff that I had on hand, with no trip to office supply store required.
• It had to be done on the porch, in the sun, away from computers, phones and any other electronics distractions.

So the photo below is the result of three surprisingly enjoyable hours spent putting together my “box”. And I expect that my investment in practicing the creative habit will pay off in many unexpected ways over time.

The materials:

• old plastic file storage box
• old metal 5-section file holder that fit in box
• large clips

My box categories:

• Content and community
• Self-awareness and personal growth
• Dreams and imagination
• New skills and abilities
• Creativity

Tasks:

• Tear pages from notebooks and clip them together in categories
• Label categories in “my box” and file pages
• Enjoy the sense of satisfaction and completion

I highly recommend that anyone interested in creativity and personal and professional enrichment make their own version of “the box”. So many ideas are wasted because they’re not converted to content that can be shared, reviewed, embodied or somehow brought to life because they’ve not been made tangible. This has been my experience and I see it happen repeatedly with both individual and business clients.

So my request of you is to value all of it and use this system. Its simple, its enjoyable and its a great beginning to your lifelong creative habit.

Heck, maybe there’s a “creativity box” photo contest opportunity here? Gotta run..need to get the idea written down and into my box!