Validation

May 15, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter 

I do a lot of things but “change facilitator” is my preferred title. So I try to continually improve how I give feedback and support and to share what I’ve learned with others. One thing for sure, every situation is different.

Here’s a scenario that I’m very familiar with. Someone I know, or who I’m working with, or who I’m close to, has a great idea for a professional or creative practice. They talk about it a lot but most of their knowledge and expertise is locked up in their mind. I’ve seen this go on for months, sometimes years, and even into a decade of postponing developing even the most basic content that will bring the idea to life and provide a structural foundation.

Eventually, the industry and market they want to serve changes and other professionals, creatives or organizations start showing up to serve the same market with similar services. Inevitably, those announcements cause a great deal of frustration and disappointment expressed with some version of:

  • That’s exactly what I’ve been saying for years but nobody listened.
  • People who are known in the industry and who have the connections and credentials have the advantage.
  • They have the research behind them to prove their value; I don’t.

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I’ve heard many variations on the above themes, none of which hold any water because these are competent, intelligent, resourceful individuals. Clearly, there’s limiting beliefs at work. The problem is that, until there’s awareness of them, everything that happens, like in the above example, reinforces those expectations and results in another cycle of frustration and disappointment.

Often, coaches, consultants, friends and family think that the best way to help turn things around is through some version of cranking up the pressure: pushing for plans, goals, action and accountability. In my experience those approaches rarely help unless people are ready for them, and often make matters worse. Some advisers try to mitigate that risk by asking the client’s permission first. That’s not a bad thing but what if the client doesn’t know what he (or she) doesn’t know?

In my experience, even just asking for permission can feel like pressure and/or judgment, leading to even more resistance. Surely we’ve all experienced to some extent being on both sides of this scenario. Unfortunately our “good intentions” can override our memory of what we probably most needed at the time(s) when we were blocked or stuck: acceptance and validation.

Validation (Thesaurus: That which confirms) statements can suddenly snap someone out of their habitual, self-diminishing thinking. It turns things around for them, even for just a moment. It “clicks”. You know it when it happens if you’re 100% open to the person and listening to them from your heart. They don’t have to say much because you feel the change in their energy whether its face-to-face or over the phone.

So if someone you know or counsel, is discouraged about “missing the boat”, its a good opportunity to validate them: Isn’t it wonderful that the evidence is in… proving that this is the perfect place and time for your ideas and business to explode like a gamma ray burst! (In your own words and you have to believe in them too, of course, but you get the idea.)

Clearly, its not simple to determine whether the right, in-the-moment feedback and support is a call to action, acceptance and validation..or something else. Its not possible to get it right all the time. Someone recently described himself as a “motivational listener”. That’s a good place from which to try.

Recommended reading: anything by Florence Scovel-Shinn

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Filed under: In Transition, intention, intuition, shift
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Why You Need a Knowledge Sharing System

May 2, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter 

At least once a week when I refer to a web site or a blog or an influential person or business, the person I’m talking to responds - “great, what’s their name, company and url?”
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And once again, I explain that I could never remember that level of detail, but it doesn’t matter because I know how to instantaneously find what I want and need in my personal and solo psf knowledge sharing system.

The response I get to my explanation always surprises me - no response. Nobody ever asks what my system is or how it works or why I consider it a critical asset. I’m surprised because its so apparent to me that its the core of my business and should be for every professional services practitioner.

And its free!

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Filed under: Cognition, Professional Services, going solo, knowledge, solo psf
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The Prequel to Your Show

April 26, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter 

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I’m a big Battlestar Galactica fan. I’ve watched most episodes several times to understand the story’s complex arcs, but always had some unanswered questions. The producers and writers clearly wanted to challenge the audience, and succeeded.

Despite my passion for BSG, my expectation for the recent first episode of the prequel, Caprica, was fairly low. The initial reviews were lukewarm so I figured it wouldn’t live up to the BSG series and might confuse me. I was wrong. It was great.

Since watching it, I’ve been thinking about the value of the backstory to bloggers, speakers and solo professional and creative practitioners.

You know how the prequel is usually done in business. The writer or speaker either begins with, or interjects some version of “now let me tell you a little bit about myself”. Its a literal and linear approach, although sometimes effectively interjecting anecdote and humor as it explains. The Ron Moore (BSG and Caprica Executive Producer) approach is much more interesting. It doesn’t explain, it unfolds. The audience has to be more attentive in order to connect the slender threads between past and present. So its a compelling and inclusive user experience and not a boring account.

Your backstory can be woven through your content. Its your personal myth: defining moments, experiences, insights, synchronicity, dreams, joy, metaphor, suffering and learning that you made happen or let happen and that changed you. Your readers, viewers and listeners won’t be bored, and they won’t be confused about what they really most want to know: who are you?

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Filed under: Content, authenticity, inclusion, metaphor, personal brand, self-expression, writing
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Stress Test

April 22, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter 

There’s no longer any doubt about the negative effects of stress on health and quality of life. But what most stress-relief advice fails to address is, its not what’s happening causing stress, its thoughts about what’s happening (or what’s happened) causing stress.

Many techniques, like meditation, exercise, yoga, massage, deep breathing and diet will temporarily relax the body and mind, and stop thought. They’re all great. But long-term stress and trauma relief require a full audit of the hidden toxic assets (beliefs) lingering on the personal balance sheet. Like executives of troubled banks, we can’t release them, write them off so to speak, because we’re still unconsciously identified with an earlier promised or perceived return on whatever deal we made with life to get what we needed. It makes perfect sense then, that we’d resist anything that changes or threatens the deal.

But more than any other time in our lives, for most of us anyway, the shifts we’re experiencing are impervious to any of our attempts to force events to go one way or another. We’re just piling on the stress. And universal law endlessly proves, that force of will gets in the way of letting happen what needs to happen for a greater, albeit different, life experience than the one we bargained for back when the world was a different world.

Unlike the bank execs, there’s no guilt, blame or shame involved in bringing our hidden toxic assets into consciousness, wiping them off our balance sheet because they no longer serve us and moving forward lighter and in alignment with the winds of change.

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Filed under: leadership, presence, resilience, self-awareness, shift, stress relief
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Claim Your Clients

April 22, 2009 by Mary Wynne-Wynter 

A friend told me she and her partner had been looking at a mirror in Ikea for 6 months. It started at $70 and although it kept getting marked down, they didn’t buy it because they didn’t need it. The other day it was $9.99 so they bought it and put it away for now.
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Several solo business friends commented that if it takes that much discounting to sell a product in this economy, how can professional and creative service providers sell?

Well, there’s always another store discounting their mirrors. But you’re the only one who does what you do and that’s how you (your global microbrand) show up everywhere.

And once a person shows up in your “store”, you have the ability to sense their unmet needs and you have the systems in place to immediately begin sharing with, inspiring and supporting them. When they’re ready to purchase, they’re already your treasured client and the project is already in process. If they don’t buy you still get a return on your natural influence: learning, content and permission assets, social capital.

You’ve shifted your consciousness from being attached to specific results and outcomes to being poised and ready to receive from indirect channels that unexpectedly appear when you’re not waiting and not urgently pushing for them. You’ve released your concerns and worries to a higher power so you can focus on creating and being of service.

I hope these statements hold at least some truth for you. If so, you’re probably unconcerned with discounting to make a sale.

Wormhole image credit: visualparadox.com

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Filed under: Creativity, Natural influence, global microbrand, intention, presence, self-awareness, shift, solo psf
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