When things backfire.

June 30, 2008 by Mary Wynne-Wynter 

I want to illustrate with a more specific example, particularly for solo professional creative practitioners, of when the old default response can kick in. Its one thing to theoretically talk about raising emotional intelligence and empathy. Its quite another when you’re getting attacked and you never saw it coming. It happens; you turn in something good, maybe even your best work, but your boss, or client or professor or whoever unexpectedly reacts very negatively and lashes out at you.

backfire_blog.png

When that happens, in a real-world professional situation, can you prevent yourself from getting “hooked” and responding by running away, judging and criticizing, lashing back, getting your allies involved, going for the win, and re-living (and embellishing) the memory over and over in your thoughts?

Yes, you can respond differently, with practice. And to practice means staying present with your feelings and using whatever techniques you’ve learned that will prevent you from getting hooked. And if you totally, or partially fail, you resolve to keep practicing and being alert and vigilant to your default and automatic egoic responses to people and situations that backfire on you. Because without them, there’s no test, no real-world practice, no awakening to your own blind spots and consequently less self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

Don’t confuse your resolve with thinking you’re becoming a pushover because great strength, power and natural influence accumulate and suffering diminishes when you practice self-awareness and self-management in unpleasant situations and with unpleasant people. Like failure, they’re your best teachers, so be grateful for them even though you dislike them. Its good practice.

Technorati Tags:
, , , ,

Filed under: Creativity, In Transition, Natural influence, career, going solo, self-awareness, self-management
Tagged: ,
Comments: None