“The Sopranos” as a Change Metaphor

July 31, 2006 by  

RedShift eZine
July 2006

Since this is issue #1 and I’m just beginning to collect material, I decided to start with a recent Soprano’s episode which inspired me. If you did not see it, or even if you’ve never watched the show, I hope you read on as it provides a great metaphor for shifting beliefs and identities that no longer serve us.

Inspiration

After getting shot and having a near-death experience, Tony Soprano is suffering because what he wants is not in alignment with the mob boss self with whom he is identified. Tony wants a deeper, more authentic and compassionate connection with his wife and son, tolerance towards Vito, a recently outed gay mobster who works for him, and appreciation for his old country roots in the traditional, but changing, Italian 9th ward where he runs his mob business. When Tony allows himself to identify with a more mature and empathetic version of himself he is happier and lighter-hearted. But to survive, Tony believes he has to keep shifting back to his mob boss self, driven by crime, greed, brutal power, cruelty, narcissism, and intolerance. Tony is not conscious that he chooses his identity and he believes that he must "do what he’s gotta do", for his, and his family’s, safety and survival.

Vito, Tony’s employee who was cruelly outed as gay, reacts differently to his problems that threaten his survival. Knowing that he could be murdered by his fellow mobsters for being gay, Vito makes a conscious choice. He runs away to New Hampshire, finds a tolerant community, expresses sorrow and regret to his wife and children for leaving them, and gets involved in an intimate and supportive relationship. Although Vito’s future is totally uncertain, his choice to be authentic in the present gives him peace, happiness and relief.

Carmela Soprano, Tony’s wife, relies on family values, religion and conservatism as well as the ability to shut out unbearable truths about the world she lives in. Since recovering, Tony acknowledges Carmela for nurturing him back to health and is presently being faithful to her. She feels secure in her marriage, lifestyle and money, and freely admits to psychiatrist Dr. Melfi that she consciously chose to be the wife of a mob boss for these benefits. But Carmela lives in denial about the worst of the mob world reality (like the murder of Adrianna, a woman once close to Carmela) in order to hold onto her faith and her values that sustain her. She runs into the mother of Adrianna, who Tony ordered killed, because Adrianna was an informer. Adriana’s mother tries to convince Carmela that Tony ordered her daughter’s murder, but Carmela cannot face that possibility. Carmela desperately wants to believe that Adriana ran away, but she is beginning to question Tony about Adrianna’s disappearance. If Carmela continues to press for the truth, she risks losing her true self or she risks losing the lifestyle (payoff) to which she is so strongly attached.

Shift

When we find ourselves stuck, or unable to resolve a major problem or issue in our lives, it is because we are identified with a version of ourself that is no longer aligned with what we want, or where we are going. This conflict results in unwanted feelings and emotions and it all feels out of our control. We can blame others, try superficial therapies and techniques, temporary escapes and distractions, cunningly crafted strategies, to-do lists and sheer force of will. Yet we still don’t make any progress. And, like The Sopranos, everything around us seems to be changing so fast that we can’t keep up with it.

Because I’m currently taking training on shifting and aligning belief systems, I experienced the Sopranos episode on a deeper level. I related to how each of these characters attempt to navigate their world. And although I have not experienced circumstances anything like theirs, I felt like I’d been in their shoes as I often blindly responded to the challenges of my own life.

I’ve reacted unconsciously, like Tony, and life felt like a constant battle. I’ve deliberately pulled the wool over my eyes, like Carmela, and tried to distract myself from the creeping anxiety that came from feeling powerless. Like Vito, I’ve been forced by circumstances into change and uncertainty and just hoped that things would work out somehow. I found it an interesting and even enjoyable exercise in getting new insights about who I was and who I am becoming.

Application

TV shows, movies, articles and books can provide excellent support structures for personal change as long as we don’t take it too seriously or literally. I’ve found that metaphors like Sopranos characters are a great way to keep my personal growth work alive when I’m between training sessions, or when I don’t have the time or energy for expending a lot of effort. It can also be used as a platform for informal discussion, presentation content, icebreaker, or (like in my case) your first ezine.
These are some of my ideas for how we can apply what we see, hear and read in the mass media, to change opportunities in our personal and professional lives. I’d love to hear yours!

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